One of the great things about being single for the last couple of years is it’s allowed me to open my eyes to different types of women and different things I like about women. Back when I was jumping from relationship to relationship, I restricted myself to liking these similarities I would find between one girl and the next. Now, I can appreciate a woman who stands out from my type and have found the most peculiar things to be attractive. Even more odd are the way some women draw me in via qualities I don’t possess — it’s the idea of opposites attract but not in some big, personality-driven way, more like, these small ways. Allow me to explain. Today, five things I like in a woman, but I don’t necessarily like for myself. I LIKE WOMEN IN TATTOOS EVEN THOUGH I DON’T HAVE ONE MYSELF There was a girl I once dated who wore glasses. Sexy teacher, all day. She had a very innocent quality to her, liked to read books and didn’t really curse. Kind of nerdy. But she had this tattoo on her hip, very well hidden to the outside eye, and it was one of the hottest tattoos I have seen. It was pretty massive. Well, massive relative to this girl who, with her clothes on, looked like she played Bingo. One would never suspect it, I know I didn’t. I swear, if one had to guess what she did with her clothes on, they would assume librarian. But if they had to guess with her clothes off, and they saw the tattoo, they would assume she fixes motorcycles for a living. For some reason, I thought this was hot, and now, I get a rise whenever I see these sexy displays of body ink on a woman, even though I have none myself. I’m not opposed to tattoos, but I don’t know what I would get so I’m biding my time. Until then, I live vicariously through the tattoos of any woman I date.

I LIKE GIRLS WHO ARE GOOD AT MATH EVEN THOUGH I SUCK AT IT MYSELF Before I marry any woman, she is going to need to take some sort of math test and pass with a 90 or above. You know why? Because I suck at math — it was my worst subject in school — and I’m not about to raise any children in a household where both parents forget the Pythagorean theorem. I LIKE GIRLS WHO PLAYED BASKETBALL IN HIGH SCHOOL EVEN THOUGH I DIDN’T This is not to say I have a crush on female basketball players, although, let it be known, I was one of the first guys I know of who had a crush on Candace Parker. Ask the fellas. Anyway, what this really is about is my love and appreciate for tall women. I don’t know why, but I absolutely love tall women. I could write a whole book on why this is but I’ll refrain. Anyway, because I have dated quite a few woman who have some height to them (5’8 is a good starting point), I find that most of these women have a high school basketball trophy or two in their home. Me? I played in the band (and before anyone starts cracking jokes on my band past, know that I was good. I played in Europe three times), so there was no time for basketball, but I’m not afraid to go one-on-one. I swear if my ex and I ever become cool to the point where we can actually hang out again, we’re playing to 11, by ones, winner take out. She knows this. I know this.

I LIKE A WOMAN WHO IS A VEGETARIAN EVEN THOUGH I WILL NEVER BE ONE I’ve written before about how I can never understand why anyone (man or woman) would want to be a vegetarian, but this is not to say I don’t appreciate their tastes. I imagine one day, all the pork chops and steak tacos I have consumed will catch up to me and force me into some sort of diet change. To help me make the adjustment, a vegetarian woman would be good for me because maybe she will know how to make a tofu steak not taste like a tofu steak. I LIKE A WOMAN WHO WILL FIGHT EVEN THOUGH I PROBABLY WON’T MYSELF On my own or with my boys, if I have to fight, I will, because on my own, I don’t mind taking an L. But in front of a woman I’m dating, I’m avoiding physical confrontation at all costs. Funny thing is, a woman doesn’t have to avoid physical confrontation in front of me because I can (kind of, sort of) dig it. Now, understand, I don’t want a woman who likes to fight, nor do I want a woman whose first instinct is to put vaseline on her face, take the earrings out, and slide the ring off her fingers. Fighting is so unlady like. But, just like a woman doesn’t want a man who fights but can appreciate it if he wins should he ever find himself in one, I can appreciate a woman with the same, ummm, gift. The kind of woman who won’t start anything, but if she must, will finish it.

I remember a girl I dated once called me up at 4 in the morning and I thought it was a booty call, so of course I picked up the phone. She says, “Can you come over?” I thought it odd she would ask me like that so I said, “Sure. Everything okay?” She said, “Yeah, everything is fine. I’m leaving the club, but I just got in a fight.” I said, “What happened? Where are you? Are you hurt?” I had all these questions. She said, “No, I’m fine. I won, but I’m a little shaken up so I don’t want to be alone.” That night, she didn’t have to be, especially after her friends gave me the play by play. And all I wanted to do was take her clothes off and uhhh, relax her mind, but she said it was in poor taste and not in those words. So instead, I just held her and silently did a Tiger Woods fist pump in my head.